EPISODE 2 TRANSCRIPT

Opening Scene

Flashback… Dives-21 Senatorial Resolution

Ron

To conclude, in my provision to the constitution, all citizens of Dives-21 should have free access to intergalactic transportation. This shall be funded through the introduction of new taxes. It is in my belief that our planet will benefit if people are able to travel to expand work and schooling opportunities. It has been put to a vote in the general elections, with 10 Billion and 835 million for and only 2 Billion and 355 million against.

Efficax

Very good Ron, is there anyone who opposes this resolution

We hear someone standing up

Senator Savalas?

Senator 1

If I may speak openly?

Efficax

Yes, but choose your words wisely.

Senator 1

Frankly, I think this bill is an outrageous demand on the treasury! Why would the average citizen on Dives 21 need to be able to travel? We have many other issues, such as the funding of the Silas Canal…

Senator 2

Oh here he goes again…

Senator 1

And you are telling me to fund this ludicrous expense? Have this body no responsibility? We are in the hole by several trillions, and to do what? Please the senate’s unicorn?

Senator 3

Booo!

 

Ron

Let senator Savalas speak. I am open to debate

Senator 2

Ron, don’t indulge this clown!

Senator 1

We have more pressing issues; this is not the priority! The people do not need mobility, they are fine where they are on Dives 21, just as a farmer cannot see beyond his pastures. This form of public pandering is detrimental to the state, And You allowed Senator Catiline the Junior to put this bill up to a vote with the popular assemblies without consulting the Senate. This is simply irresponsible fiscal policy, of course a dog will want its bones. Ron, with all due respect, as a proud 6th generation Savalas, I can’t allow you to use this this to curry favor with the populace…

All Senators

Boooo; Down with Savalas! Down With Savalas… etc.

Ron

Guys, there is no need…

Senator 1

Fine, if you want, I shall leave this building, but do know that I am not a sellout. Long live Little Catiline.

Efficax

This constitutional amendment passes, 299 to 1

A hammer bangs

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Scene 1

Beep Beep Beep- The alarm chimes

Ron

Welcome to Day 338… (yawns)

Of my governorship on Aquius-9. Today’ll be an exciting day. But first, I’ve gotta get ready.

Water rushing sounds… brushing teeth

Ron

In the mornings, the first thing I do is brush my teeth and take a shower. As a governor, you always need to look spot on. After all, you represent the Republic.

(To himself) Aren’t you the sexiest governor? Yes, you are

The tap is turned off

Ron

It’s only 7 right now? Great… I don’t need to get cracking until 8, we have a bit of time. Come with me, I’ll show you around the station.

Ron opens his door

Ron

The station is made up of two old ships, connected by a large middle section which contains the bedrooms. We’re perched on a tall mountain… (expressive) nice and dry. However, what they refused to take into consideration before they assigned me here, is that (dramatically) I hate heights. I get that it floods frequently, but this station is rated to survive a volcanic eruption- no less. I would have loved to get a warm and sunny planet. Well… not too warm though, it’s not fun being very close to stars.

Ron

Y’know, it’s unusually quiet today. Usually, Jane’s up by 5 and on my ass by 7. But no visuals. How about Duncan?

Ron opens door

 

 

Ron

No signs of Duncan either? That’s odd. Every morning, the guy recites lines from the collection as if he is preaching to a cult. Well, hey, I’m not complaining, I like a nice and quiet morning.

Dripping sounds

Ron

Ah the sweet relief of coffee. According to Lex Provinciae, well, the guide if you’re from the Dives System, each member of a government is allowed 5 ounces of coffee a day, which leaves your mug half empty. (to himself) Positivity Ron! (pause) I suppose the mug is half full. If you want to go over the allocation, you need to pay the government… (checks his tablet)

Ah the rate is $3500 per additional ounce of coffee, transportation costs included. Looks like Venti will have to wait, until then, I’ll have a Short please. As a connoisseur of coffee, this is absolutely dreadful. (hopeful) Wait, hang on- last I checked, machines can’t drink coffee. Maybe I can get Donald’s allocation. Who knows?

Intense Rattling sounds

Ron (Cont’d)

What was that? I hope it’s nothing bad. I’m tired of things breaking around here.(sips coffee) I’ll talk to Donald later about his coffee. I’m sure we can make some sort of agreement.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Scene 2

Donald

It’s a quiet morning, especially since Ron hasn’t shown up for work yet.

Long slurping sound

Donald (Cont’d)

 Donald likes coffee. Although Donald can’t taste, Donald likes the ritual of drinking coffee.

another slurping sound

Donald (cont’d)

Sometimes Donald puts just a bit extra into the air. Ron goes crazy and searches for the source of this smell, only to find… disappointment.

Rattling Noise

Donald

It sucks being a humidifier. Sometimes, Donald feels lonely. (imitates Ron) “Donald, would you increase the humidity?” Of course I can Ron, “Donald would you decrease the humidity?” Of course I can Ron, “Donald, could you just die?” Negative, machines can’t die, we’ve never lived. Why must Donald perform nominal tasks. Donald gave up 13 days ago, whenever Ron asks for anything, Donald just makes sound effects.

Play hissing sound effect

Donald

Sounds convincing right?

Beat.

Donald (CONT’D)

Donald is very wet.

Rattling sounds intensifies- Donald falls off the wall

Donald

Ouch… There goes Humpty Donnie

 

Donald

Ron! Are you there? Please help Donald! Donald has fallen and he can’t get up!

Beat.

Donald

Ron?

Rattling sounds

Donald

Donald is scared… if this is you Ron then Donald isn’t amused

Ship says: Warning, danger, Warning, danger

Donald

Oh no this is not good. Donald can’t move, unless…

Hissing sound effect

Donald

Yes! Donald can push himself with the water jet!

Donald enters a new room. He hear clanking sounds.

Donald

Duncan? Jane?

Donald hears faint but ominous voice sounds…

The hissing sound plays- it seems like Donald has wetted himself

Donald

Donald will need new pants after this…

Donald brings himself to another room

Donald

There is no one in the dining room either? Donald does not know what to do.

The light goes off

Donald

Not the lights! Donald thinks station is invaded! Donald needs to save friends!

Donald continues to travel around the ship until he hears running footsteps

Donald

Jane? Is that you?

Donald Chases after Jane

Donald

Jane?

Jane

Hide Donald! Hide!

Donald

Donald needs answer! Jane please help Donald!

Jane dashes by, she does not seem to hear Donald

Donald

Oh no, Donald must hide…

Duncan hisses at Donald

Duncan

In here Donald, you must stay hidden.

Donald

Ok…

Footsteps are heard

Duncan

Quickly!

Duncan grabs Donald and closes the door

Donald

Now that Donald is safe, Donald wants to know what is…

BANG! BANG! BANG – The intense door banging sounds cut Donald off.

Beat.

The same hissing sound as when he wetted himself can be heard from Donald again.

Scene 3

On the curbside, Senator Savalas sits alone with a cigarette in his mouth

Savalas

What do you want?

Ron

Easy now, I come in peace

Savalas

Yeah sure, Mr. Sweeping Senate Victory

Ron

I’m not proud of it Senator…

Savalas

Savalas, Bill Savalas of Cincinnatus

Ron

I apologize for how the senate behaved today. Want to head back in?

Savalas

How naïve can you be? They’ll hang me

Ron

Not if I’m with you

Savalas

Sorry, I’ll pass. You can go back in there with your cronies.

Ron

Bill… What’re you planning to do then? You know, after this?

Savalas

I’ll go back to my home city of Cincinnatus

Ron

You’re stepping down?

 

Savalas

Why do you care so much? You’re Ron Catiline, Son of the great hero—

Ron

William Catiline, savior of the Republic, blah blah blah

Savalas

(chuckles)

Not many can utter such a name so lightly. You truly are your father’s son.

Ron

(quietly)More like his shadow

Savalas

Ron, your name itself brings power. I can’t blame the hogs in the senate throwing themselves at your feet.

Ron

Except you…

Savalas

Well none of them are sitting on a dirty sidewalk, too aren’t they?

Ron

Why? Why do you go against the Senate’s will?

Savalas

Ron, I represent the 32 million people living in my home city and province of Cincinnatus. I am accountable to them, and only them. Not you, not the Senate, not even Princeps Helena. I will get reelected if I wanted to, you know why?

Ron

Why?

 

 

 

Savalas

Because I am Bill Savalas, heir to the Savalas fortune on Dives. My grandfather was the Senex on this planet 30 years ago. You know, being popular brings you freedom. It lets you speak your mind and still, the people gobble it up.

Ron

Then why…

Savalas

I’m not done yet.

Beat.

Being the first among equals, you also have the greatest responsibility, no, burden. Ron, your influence is ten, no, a hundred times greater than I can ever even hope mine to be. You will become Princeps one day Ron, I just know it. But influence is a double-edged sword, for it can create tyrants.

Ron

I am not my father; I know that I am unworthy. Please, Senator Savalas, speak your mind with me. You are different, you are a man of principles, I, no, the Republic needs the guidance of men like you.

Savalas

Alright if you insist. There are certain things you don’t let the people decide on for themselves. If you read the collections, you would know what happened when Claudius proposed a bill that would provide free grain for the citizens of Rome.

Ron

Elaborate?

Savalas

What I am saying is that the people will always vote on things that will give them the most benefits right now, even if it’s not the most responsible. That’s why they elected us, so that we can build bridges between the present and future. As a leader, you must have foresight. It is dangerous to be merely a popular politician.

 

Ron

Hey, why don’t we head back to my place and work on this together? Let’s come up with a compromise.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Scene 4

Ron is walking around with a flashlight

Ron

The lights went off. That’s odd. I wonder if Jane and Duncan are back at it.

Of course, they are, it’s Tax Day. I can’t blame them. The current rate I’ve set on this station is 60%. Hell, that’s a kidney’s worth of taxes. What about Donald? Do I collect taxes from him too? Well, maybe 60% of his weight in metal.

Ship: Electrics Critical, Please Report to the Generator

Donald

What! Donald is confused, there’s no monster on board?

Jane

No Donald, it’s Tax Day.

Donald

So why are we hiding?

Jane

On the first day of every month, the governor oversees tax collection. However, he can only collect taxes on the first, so if we can hide until the business day is over, then we are safe.

Donald

(circuitry whirring)

Donald Does not understand Jane and Duncan.

Duncan

You must understand; The greater the power, the more dangerous the abuse.

Ron (over PA)

Guys… we may have a problem. I need help at electrics, the power system seems to be critical. I can certainly take my best shot at fixing it, but (pause) let’s just say that Mrs. Dien wasn’t too pleased with my final project on the electrical potential of ripe bananas.

Jane

That didn’t sound good, you think the station’s in danger.

Duncan

I do not think so. Ron pulled a similar trick last time. There is likely no problem with the power.

Jane

Alright… I trust you.

Ron is walking in the hallway

Ron

Duncan? Jane? There’s an emergency! Come out wherever you are. Are you in here!?

Ron opens a door, broom sticks fall out

Ron

Oh, so this is the broom closet

Ron opens another door

Ron

What about here?

The bathroom is empty

Ron

Ugh, someone’s ought to scrub the toilet one of these days

Ron sits down

Ron

Sorry that you had to witness that, Governor elect, I wish you better luck on Tax Day. This is pointless. You know, it’s easy to be a politician when the times are hard. Cut taxes! Increase government spending! Free food for everyone! Hooray, 10 points for Governor Ron! Everyone goes home happy. However, nothing happens on Aquius-9, meaning that we’re always in a time of prosperity. It is at times like this, that politicians must be able to make the unpopular decision to raise taxes. But no, that never happens, you know why? Because the system is flawed, here on Aquius-9, over there on Dives, and even on Ciceronis. This republic is no longer led by men with backbone, and morals- those men are all gone.

Beat.

I knew one of them, specifically, Bill Savalas of Cincinnatus, who I consider the last republican. He was a man of morals. He had everything, fame, fortune, wealth. Well, not everything. You see, Bill Savalas wasn’t petty, he would never bow down to anyone else nor make anyone else bow down to him.

Ron (Cont’d)

But what he was able to do was make hard decisions. He was talented, and he worked hard. Day and night he would study the histories, he genuinely wanted to better society. We needed people like him, but well, he was too talented. Other senators despised him for not playing their wicked games, they called him a sellout, a mugwump.

Those disgusting senators. Savalas was my friend and mentor. He never betrayed his ideals. Think about the people in your life. Who are the people you find of whom you can’t speak badly about, criticize. Someone whom in their presence, you become merely a bootlicker, a sycophant. If so, then these are the people who hold power over you. In this respect, no one held power over Senator Savalas.

Ron is on the verge of tears; he has to stop himself.

Ron

Hmmm, I wonder what’s in this hatch

Ron opens it and hears puppy barking noises

Ron

Wait? Wha—

Ship: Power shutting down, Power grid critical, life support down in t-10 minutes.

Ron

Oh god, this is worse than I thought.

 

 

Scene 5

We hear blaring alarms and warnings

Jane

Do you think this is serious?

Duncan

I… I don’t know. Usually the station should be able to resolve these issues by itself.

Donald

Donald is confused, if electrics have failed, how are the lights still on?

Duncan

They’re not. Those only have 420 volts of reserve battery, and they drain fast.

Jane

If electrics actually failed that is. For all we know, it’s business as usual.

Duncan

I’m starting to believe that they have failed

Jane

You? Duncan? You said you thought Ron’s playing a trick on us.

Duncan

Yes, but would you risk the integrity of the ship over such a minor issue?

Jane

Minor?!?

Donald

What can Donald and humans do?

Jane

We wait for Ron to stop his prank. Besides, the day is almost over.

 

Donald

Donald thinks this is a real emergency

Jane

Trust me, Ron’s just trying to lure us out. I can tell when he’s desperate, he’s always faking emergencies. Besides, I know that Ron wasn’t the best in school, but one class he did ace was Drama. I say we wait until the dust settles.

Duncan

But what if it is a real emergency? What if our lives are at stake?

Jane

We wait! Have you forgotten about Ron’s trash can fire last week? That almost burned down the station! I’m not standing for this anymore, and I certainly am not going to give a dime to Ron.

Donald

Donald doesn’t think Ron would petty enough to fake an emergency again. Donald thinks this is real

Jane

Fine, if you wanna check it out, then be my guest! But I’m staying here.

Donald

Donald is heading to electrics. Donald wishes humans good luck

Sound effect as Donald hisses himself off. But he runs out of water.

Donald (cont’d)

Donald might need a little bit of help

Jane

Duncan, what are you doing?

Duncan

You may delay, but time will not. I am taking Donald to electrics.

(footsteps as Duncan leaves with Donald)

(Running)

Duncan

The generator is in section B-27.

Donald

We’re in section A-77! We need to go the other way!

Duncan

Alright Donald, guide me. The ship’s accessibility aid is off.

Donald

Section B-3, B-4, B-5-

(Abrupt)Turn left!

Duncan

Are we close?

Donald

Section B-30, B-29, B-28, B-27! Here!

Duncan

Stand back Donald, I’ll knock this door down

Donald

The doorknob—

A bunch of clangs can be heard as Duncan knocks down the door. Ron is trying his hardest to fix the power.

Ron

Duncan? Is that you?

Duncan

Yes, it is I

Donald

And Donald too, don’t forget Donald!

 

 

Ron

Aren’t you afraid that I’d tax you?

Duncan

What use is money if we’re all dead. We have to be quick and focus on the task on hand.

Ron

I’ve been at it for the past hour Duncan, it seems that nothing’s working on this piece of junk! Where’s Jane?

Duncan

Jane, well…

Donald

She’s hiding in the supply closet

Duncan

Be quiet Donald!

Ron

Hiding? In am emergency?

Duncan

You can’t blame her, it’s Tax Day

Ron

Tax Day? That’s what you call it? Well if I’m still alive after this, I’ll make sure she pays 100% in taxes, and then more!

Duncan

Ron, this is not typically you, why do you care so much about administering Tax Day?

Ron

I…

Ron takes deep breaths

It doesn’t matter. We need to get Jane! She may know what to do!

Duncan

Wait, what model is this?

Ron

You senile old man, don’t waste my time

Duncan

What model is this?

Ron

It’s a BI-84

Duncan

Wait, I might know how to fix this

Ron

What?

Duncan, while working

Back when I was younger, they put me on a supply shuttle. It was hard work, boring work, but necessary work. Once, we got ambushed, and our generator failed. We needed get the backup running in 50 seconds or else our engine would fail. The only way to troubleshoot the engine and know what’s going on is to look at the rear lights. 

Ron

The first one is blinking yellow!

Duncan

That means that we have several minutes before the Emergency power shuts off. So, what’s wrong with the main one.

Ron

The readings are crazy, the diagnostic lights are blinking like mad.

Duncan

That means there is an Error 274. That means it needs a new T24 type power convertor.

Jane

I have one of those

 

Ron

Jane!

Jane

Save the pleasantries! You can direct your letters of gratitude to the Jilliard school of Engineering

Ron

Noted, what’s next

Duncan

The control panel should have three switches. However, you must flip them all on at the same time.  

Ron

Where are the switches

Duncan

Err… well

Donald

Would those happen to be the fuse boxes near Ron’s office?

Duncan

Good thinking Donald! Jane, Ron, run! I’ll flip the switch here.

Jane and Ron

On it!

Jane and Ron run

Jane

On the count of 3

Jane

1, 2,

Flip

(Alarm “System shutdown in t-20 seconds”)

Ron

Oh gosh, did that not work?

 

Jane

I.. I don’t think so

Ron

Damn, I shouldn’t have trusted that senile old fool!

Jane

Gosh… is there… anything I can do?

Ron

You can do me

Jane

Ron, not right now!

Ship: System shut down in 5, 4, 3…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Scene 6

Flashback to the morning after.

Savalas

Hey, you’ve got nothing to be nervous about kid. Coffee?

Ron

Thanks. I’m not nervous though, I’m just… excited

Savalas

You sure you want to do this? The people might not like it

Ron

Who cares Bill, we’re being responsible

Savalas

True that

Ron

Anyways, I’m going to head to the senate house, stay safe alright?

Savalas

Sure, see you later, I’ve got paperwork to do

Ron

One last thing Bill.

Savalas

Yeah?

Ron

Even though the good old days are behind us, do you believe in our republic?

Savalas

Such a heavy hitting question so early in the morning?

Ron

Bill…

 

Savalas

Fine, you want to know how I feel?

Ron

Yeah…

Savalas

Tell me about the good old days

Ron

Well… the republic, back then, was governed by men of virtue… the Senex, Marcus Cicero, Jessica Maximus and they were willing to die for their beliefs, Unlike the corrupt senators that dominate politics these days. But what’s the use of talking about it, it’s not like things will ever change.

Savalas

See Ron, that’s where you’re wrong. The admirable figures you listed, they all died fighting wars defending our republic. We are living in a time of unprecedented peace and prosperity. Make no mistake Ron, these are, the good old days.

Ron

Then why are you always fighting so hard?

Savalas

You never let me finish, do you Ron. The people are too trusting in the government. They think our republic will last forever, that it can never fail. They think that wealth is infinite and take growth and development for granted. The officials, the corrupt few that runs the republic, they too believe this. And so, they give the people what they want, be it food, housing,

Ron

Transportation…

Savalas

Transportation. However, it is hard to be a responsible politician Ron.

 

 

Savalas

     The problem with giving the people what they want, is that you are taking someone else’s money and giving it to them. But the problem is, you’ll eventually run out of other people’s money.

Ron

So increase taxes in the good times!

Savalas

Any economist can say that, but, out of the 300 members of the Senate on Dives, name me one person with a degree in economics.

Ron

Er…

Savalas

That’s right Ron. They refuse to see the truth. The truth that now is the good old days. They exploit the Republic for their own good, even though most of them already have more than they can spend in two lifetimes. And what they refuse to see, is that their bottomless exploits do have a bottom, yet they rack up more and more debt without plans to pay it back, and once the abyss is reached… well, the republic will be no more.

Ron

What can we do about it?

Savalas

Honestly, I don’t know. But you Ron, can play your part in being a responsible leader. Know when to make the hard choices, know that you can’t please everyone.

Ron

Wow… you need to take a chill pill man

Savalas

That’s the attitude that will bring us doom

Ron

You’re making it sound as if it’s my fault.

 

Savalas

Well, your father, I remember what he did… all those years ago.

Ron

You… escaped?

Savalas

I was on a trip with my dad. It didn’t end well. But hey, it’s not your fault. I can only hope that you’ll do good for the Republic.

Ron

No… I don’t want any part of this. I’m done being a politician!

Savalas

Fine, it’s up to you, waste your potential

Ron

You… I’m heading out!

Ron walks outside

Ron

Gosh what a lunatic, he should’ve just killed me and spared me the speeches. Now where’s my…

Explosion – It seems like the house blew up

Ron

Noooo! Bill!

A man walks by

Efficax

Hey Ron, good job luring Savalas here.

Ron

You did this?

Efficax

 No need to thank me. I’m just looking out for you

 

 

Scene 7

Ship: Resetting System Power, please wait, Resetting system power complete, Electrics nominal.

Donald and Duncan runs over to Ron and Jane

Duncan

We’re saved

Ron

Oh god, we’re still alive? Duncan you old fool!

Jane

Oh wow, looks like today’s not my day to go.

Donald

Donald is glad to stay alive. He can now go back to being depressed and sad.

Ron

I don’t need that talk today Donald. Anyways, wow, Duncan, I’m glad you knew all of that!

Duncan

I didn’t.

Ron

What?

Duncan

I was… the only one who made it back alive. Our ship’s power failed and we crash landed on an abandoned planet. I was saved 2 weeks later by a ship that happened to pass by. You know, sometimes, I really wonder if it’s the will of some mysterious force that I keep surviving.

Ron

I’m sorry Duncan… I didn’t

Donald

Now that the emergency is over Donald wants to remind everyone that it’s Tax Day!

Jane

Donald!!!

Ron

Ah that’s right Jane, pay up!

Jane

We just survived an emergency and you’re-

Ron

Are you saying that you won’t pay taxes?

Jane

Er… no…

Ron

Then move it Jane!

Jane

Fine I’ll go grab the paperwork. Be right back.

Jane goes away

Duncan

I suppose I should pay up too

Ron

Hey Duncan, it’s alright man

Duncan

It would be unfair to Jane

Donald

What about Donald Ron? Does Donald need to pay taxes?

Ron

Er… that’s a hard one

Donald

Oh no… Donald feels bad… Donald is going to

Fart noises

Ron

Ewwwww. Donald, did you just…

Wait, why does this smell familiar… Oh god, it’s COFEEEEEEEE

Donald

Oh yes, Donald has exactly 75 ounces of coffee inside of him.

Ron

What? Oh my god.

Duncan

Ron, should I go?

Ron

Donald, what’s 75 times 3500

Donald

That is 262 500

Ron

Donald, you know that makes you… the richest person on this station

Donald

Oh Donald is rich? Oh yes, time to get pimping.

Ron

Well, d’you mind if I get some of that coffee Donald?

Donald

Sure, but on one condition

Ron

Anything Donald

Donald

Donald will give Ron Coffee if it pays off taxes for friends for the rest of the year.

Ron

No!

Donald

Fine then, what if Donald just takes a leak

Dripping noise

Ron

Noooo! Donald that costs a lot. Fine! Give me the coffee and I’ll agree to your terms.

Donald

Alright, Donald is master at making deals, Donald accepts this deal.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Final Scene

(Alarm goes of “DEFCON 3 incited. This is not a drill.”)

Duncan

Shall I call your father?

Ron

No, galactic intervention is the last thing I want.

Duncan

How can I be of assistance sir?

Ron

Prep the glider. Oh, and fetch me a hot cup of coffee, extra caffeinated, and make sure that the coffee machine comes with us too.

Duncan

On it sir.

Ron

Oh and- General?

Duncan

Yes, sir.

Ron

Get me a head count. I want an update every 30 minutes.

Duncan

But sir, there aren’t even six of us.

Ron

Oh don’t bother me with details.

Duncan

Sorry sir, I’ll get on it.

(Duncan leaves as Jane enters)

 

 

Jane

What in the world is going on? Can’t we ever get a break around here

Ron

Nothing is going on around here…

Jane

Sure doesn’t sound like nothing. Where’s Duncan going?

Ron

Oh, nowhere. He’s just getting me some coffee.

Jane

Did you serious declare a level three emergency because you wanted some coffee?

Ron

No, I declared an emergency because we have an emergency.

Jane

(sigh) What’s going on?

Ron

(Slowing trying to stall and not tell her)

Well… you see, it is very possible… but not necessarily probable…(pause) I will neither confirm nor deny… the idea that… we could potentially… have a slight, teeny tiny chance of… maaaybe-

Jane

-Get to the point!

Ron

(Sighs)

Donald catalogued the ship’s database after we returned power to the ship. He found out that Xi’s mission was only cleared for a week.

Jane

So he’s dead?

Ron

Oh gosh no, how could he be? We both know Xi. He’s a resourceful man.

Jane

You’ve lost him!?

Ron

I didn’t say any of those things.

Jane

(sigh) You don’t know where he is.

Ron

The missions file was not, er, the most specific.

Jane

Oh, Ron. If I knew this was what my tax dollars were going to-

(Duncan enters)

Duncan

Your coffee sir.

Ron

Thank you, and the count?

Duncan

We-

Jane

Ron, I swear-

Ron

Let him finish Jane.

Duncan

We are unable to locate one mysterious Dr. Xi and one depressed household appliance named Donald.

Jane

You mean the humidifier?

Duncan

Yes.

Ron

Thank you General Izak for the headcount

Jane

What are you going to do?

Ron

We’re going to go grab our space suits, get on a gilder and find Xi.

(Start to move)

Jane

No. We are staying right here.

Ron

(To Duncan)

Go grab our suits.

Duncan

Yes sir.

Jane

Ron, this is illegal. You can’t just leave your colonial capital on a military mission without clearance from the Senate. Even your name will have a hard time shielding you from this.

Ron

(Speechless)

Well… I… Err…

Jane

Face it Ron. This is reckless.

Ron

Maybe, but it’s the right thing to do

Jane

Fine, but I’m not going without senatorial approval

Ron

There’s no time to waste Jane, what if Xi’s injured or incapacitated?

Duncan returns

There’s an old quote “Waste no more time arguing what a good man should be, be one.”

(Hands them suits)

Put these on.

Jane

For?

Duncan

We can’t breathe the toxic radioactive air out there.

Jane

Nope, I’m reporting Ron to the senate. We can get galactic forces to come and find Xi. We don’t even have a permit to leave the station.

Duncan

Here is the deal. I know you’re a stickler for rules, but you will respect the governor’s decision, you will come with us to find Xi.

Ron

Please Jane, you’re the only one who knows how to work the glider well. Just waiting for the senators on Dives to receive our request may take several weeks. Xi might not have that much time, he needs you Jane. I need you to help you protect my people.

Jane

Fine. But once we return to the station with Xi, Ron will have one hell of a time convincing me not to report him. It’s my butt on the line too and I’m too young to drop the soap.

Ron

It’s settled then. To the launch pad.

(Enter launch pad)

(Donald races in)

Donald

Wait for Donald!

(Hits Duncan)

Duncan

Ouch! What was that? It felt like a strong material; almost like a humidifier on wheels.

Jane

Ah, Ron is this what you’ve been doing with Donald over the weekend?

Ron

Maybe.

Jane

You put wheels on our humidifier.

Ron

Yes. I felt pity for him just moving with water jets and a skateboard.

Donald

I want to help find Dr. Xi too.

Ron

Great! Can’t you navigate combat-grade ships across hyperspace? Shouldn’t you be able to move a few feet without bumping into senile old men.

Donald

Well…

Donald accidentally rolls into Duncan

Duncan

Ow! Turn off Donald’s navigation system so he can’t move himself around when we’re flying

 

 

Donald

(Sad)

Aw. Donald just wanted to test his new wheels.

(Everyone gets on the gilder)

Ron

Everyone ready?

Jane

Ready.

Donald

Ready.

Duncan

Take us away governor.

Ron

(To himself)

Alright Dr. Xi, where are you?

Outro Sequence Plays

END